Teaching our children social skills is every bit as important as teaching them academics. Human interaction is an integral part of most everyone’s day to day routine, and success in this area can mean overall success in life. Today’s tip will elaborate on five key components of social competence.
These will be explained by using the acronym SPACE as taken from Karl Albrecht’s book Social Intelligence: The New Science of Success.
Situational Awareness: This is our social radar—in other words, understanding what to do when. When children are learning this skill, they learn…
• when to hold their tongue and when to speak
• when to give a hug and when to stay in their own space
• which situation is safe and which is not
While children are learning these things, it is extremely important for parents and teachers to have patience and be very explicit in their instruction. We need to remember that everyone has a different social IQ. An example of teaching this would be to explain to your child that not everyone has the same personal space bubble around them. This is an especially good lesson for children who love to hug everyone around them. Teach your child that some people need quite a bit of personal space while others need very little. Your child can look for signs that someone doesn’t want to be hugged by the way that they stand. If they lean back a little or move away, this means “no hugging please.” If they bend forward or move closer this means, “hugs are welcome.”
Presence: This is the way we affect people through our physical appearance, mood, and body space—are you approachable? Presence is our ability to “be present” and live in the moment. People with great presence are excellent listeners and truly care about the people they are with at any given moment. They are not thinking about past or the future in the presence of another. People with strong presence make those around them feel important. Teaching children how to listen is crucial. We need to teach children that listening is defined as “being able to repeat back that which the messenger has said.” We can also teach our children to be curious and ask questions of others.
Authenticity: Truly being ourselves.
Our children can learn to get “comfortable in their own skin” and accept themselves as they are created. Teaching our children to focus on their strengths is key here. We want to teach our children not to be phony and to believe in themselves.
Clarity: Is the audience understanding what I’m trying to say?
Here we can teach our children not to speak too much or too quickly. It’s also an opportunity to help them to increase or improve their vocabulary. Teach them that the more words they have to draw from, the better their chance to convey a message to others. They can also learn the art that “sometimes saying less accomplishes more.”
Empathy: Walking in someone else’s shoes.
It is so important that our children learn to be considerate and truly aware of how others are feeling. Teaching children to watch body language signals is key here. Also our children can learn the difference between toxic and nourishing behaviors.
Helping our children social skills will heighten their awareness and relieve confusion and frustion for them in the years to come.
