As parents and teachers, we already know how important it is to give our children positive feedback. While praise is very important, many of us may not know that there are types of praise that can actually be harmful to our children. Today's tip will focus on how to effectively praise our children and the research that supports this.
Recent studies points out the power that specific praise has on our children. (Henderlong/Lepper 2002; Kamins/ Dweck 1999; and Mueller/Dweck 1998) These studies point out that we need to be sincere and specific with our praise. Insincere praise can make our children feel that we feel sorry for them or that we are trying to manipulate them. Other points to consider when we praise our children are:
1. Praise kids only for traits they have the power to change. For example, one study showed that children who were praised for their intellect gave up more quickly than those who were praised for effort. They felt that if they didn't understand something, they must just not be smart anymore. An example of this type of praise is, "Wow, that's a really good score. You must be smart at this."
On the flip side, students who were praised for effort worked harder. An example of this type of praise would be, "Wow, that's a really good score. You must have worked really hard." Another example would be, "That was a very difficult project, but you did it one step at a time and it turned out great!"
2. Use descriptive praise that conveys realistic, attainable standards. Instead of simply making a judgment with our praise such as, "Good job!" It is better to praise for what our children do specifically right, "I like the way that used new words in your writing today."
3. Be careful about praising kids for doing what they already love to do. For example, if Suzy's mom constantly praises her for liking her vegetables, Suzy may question whether or not she should like them.
4. Encourage kids to focus on mastering skills-not on comparing themselves to others. When our children decide that the goal is to outperform other kids, they lack the intrinsic motivation to continue to succeed when others aren't around. Social comparison can also build insecurity in our children.
Some great articles to further understand how to effectively praise our children are:
http://www.parentingscience.com/effects-of-praise.html
http://www.nais.org/publications/ismagazinearticle.cfm?ItemNumber=150509
http://www.nais.org/publications/ismagazinearticle.cfm?itemNumber=150439
