As parents and teachers, we want to do what is best for the child(ren) that we are in charge of. We feel a sense of panic at times that perhaps we aren't "getting it right," or that it is all our fault if a child doesn't learn something.
One of my most recent discoveries as I'm out and about observing parents and children, is that actions derived from love have very different effects than actions derived from fear. Let me explain...
When a teacher is trying to teach the entire class a concept, and one of the children is talking, she has a choice to respond in fear or love.
Fear would say, "Susan! Stop talking right now! It is very rude of you to talk while I'm talking. Would you like me to do that to you?"
Love would say, "Susan sweetie, I need your attention because this next part that I'm going to be talking about is going to be fabulously interesting and I don't want you to miss out."
The fear response shames the child and gets the whole class to focus on the unwanted behavior. The love response cares deeply about the student's feelings and helps her to focus on the desired behavior--learning.
I have found that when dealing with children, it is always best to help them to focus on what I want them to do versus what I don't want them to do. This works with adults as well. The brain will naturally focus on what is being told to it, good or bad. It doesn't really understand "don't". If I say, "Billy don't touch that"...his brain will immediately focus on touching it. However, if I say "Billy you can't touch that because you might get hurt, come over here and let's play this game;" I've given Billy's mind something to focus on.
Teachers and parents do love their children. I have no doubt about that. Sometimes we have our own fears that get in the way of our parenting or teaching...
"What if I fail?"
"What if the principal doesn't like the job I'm doing?"
"What are others thinking?"
"What if I'm not doing the right thing?"
We have to conquer our own fears as we work to help children conquer theirs. Each day we need to ask, "Am I acting out of love, or fear?"
I think this is very true, acting out of love gets a much better response than acting out of fear. Sitting in classrooms myself i have seen both, and acting out of fear create a better learning environment not only for the student being talked to, but for the whole class. When a teacher yells at a student, tension builds in the air and not only does the student and teacher feel nervous and awkward, the rest of the class can feel that way as well. i feel acting out of love is always the right way to handle any situation.
ReplyDeleteLooking back and recalling different learning experiences that I had with different adults growing up, I find it easy to distinguish which educators taught out of fear and which ones did it out of love. When an adult acted out of love, the atmosphere seemed to be more pleasant, calm, and accepting. I remember these individuals having patience with my learning progress. They talked with me and not at me. On the other hand, I remember being more tense in learning environments where actions were more so based on fear.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the concept of focusing on the desired actions and emphasizing what you want versus what you don't want. I hear many directions begin with 'don't', especially when redirecting misbehavior. I found it very interesting that the brain doesn't process the word 'don't' when paired with an instruction. It makes sense and is important aspect to remember at any point while giving directions.
I believe this idea of focusing on the positive could be applied and prove to be useful in so many other areas besides the classroom. I feel acting out of love increases the chances of getting the desired result. It is a practice that may take extra awareness at first but eventually turns into habit; one worth keeping.
This really struck me because sometimes it's our love that causes us to act out in a way that conveys anger and fear. When we really care about a child it's easier to get frustrated when things aren't going well with them. However we need to slow down and realize that it's not about us, it's about our children/students. Keeping the kid's feelings, hopes and fears at the forefront of our minds can help to remind us of what really matters.
ReplyDeleteWorking in a preschool setting I sometimes find myself getting frustrated with students because I've told them the same things over and over and over again and they just won't listen! I take their defiance personally and get upset, when instead I should be thinking about how I could do a better job to help them understand what I need from them. Teaching is not about me and sometimes that's hard to remember! However, being patient and focusing on love rather than fear is a key way to help myself to be a better teacher, and the kids I care about to have a better learning experience.