The Art of Communication

Communication is defined as a process by which we assign and convey meaning in an attempt to create shared understanding. The key words here are, "shared understanding." As parents and teachers, we continually are working to help our children grow into the best version of themselves possible by communicating with them. We are also continually working to connect and get to know our children. Today's tip will focus on effective communication techniques to ensure that shared understanding is the ultimate goal.

Listening: Much research has been done on the importance of active listening. This can be accomplished by validating what someone is saying without making judgement statements or putting words in their mouth. For example, when our child comes home and says, "I'm so stupid! I hate English class and I hate my teacher!" It is far better to say, "Wow! Today must have been a tough day, tell me about it." than saying, "You are not stupid and I don't like you talking about your teacher that way." If we first allow our children to express what they are truly feeling, we can help them get to the root of the problem and then guide them to find solutions. As we do this with our children, our children in turn can learn effective listening and validating skills as well.

Observing: Watching our child's body language can help us to understand how they are truly feeling. What sometimes comes across as anger could be sadness, lonliness or fear.
Questioning: Asking clarifying questions can help us to understand what our children are truly saying instead of perhaps what we are perceiving them to say. I have watched children look very confused when a parent or teacher starts accusing them of thinking something that never occured to them in the first place.

Analyzing and Evaluating: As sometimes our children say things that we don't like to hear, we may need to step away and analyze what they are trying to communicate. This is often done more effectively if emotions are not involved. I have found that as both a mother and a teacher, sometimes I will need to reach out and get other's opinions on things. I may seek out a counselor's advice, research information on the internet, or simply speak with other parents or teachers that I respect. The more solid information we have, the better will be able to help our children.

Confronting: Sometimes it is very necessary to confront our children on certain behaviors. When doing this, there are a few things to keep in mind...

1. Remember never to go into a confrontation angry.

2. Have a soft entry by simply stating the fact that we need to sit down and talk about a behavior we aren't happy about.

3. Brainstorm a plan together as to how to correct the behavior. This empowers our children to be better problem solvers and to take responsibilty for improving themselves.

4. Follow up with our children and check on the progress being made.