Seek First to Understand

Everyone desires to feel important, to know that they matter, and to prove that they too have something to contribute to this planet.  Our children are the same.  Sometimes our children will even compare themselves to others to let us know who they are.  They may say, “I’m just like so and so because we both like to play hockey.”  Or they may say, “I’m nothing like my sister Suzy, she likes to read all the time and I don’t.”

As parents and teachers, our goal is to help our children grow into their best selves.  We want them to contribute great things to the world around them.  Unfortunately, we sometimes forget that our children are not just a younger version of ourselves.  They are their own person.  Here are some questions we can ask ourselves when looking at how we perceive our children/students:

·         Is it OK with us if our children like different music and/or activities?

·         Are their social habits different from ours? (More social/less social)

·         Do they perceive the world differently than we do? (Glass half full/ half empty)

·         Do they have more or less emotional needs than we do?

·         Do they need more or less processing time than we do?

·         Are their study habits different from ours?

 In his book, Seven Habits of Highly Successful People, Stephen Covey introduces us to the principle, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”   I have found this principle to be extremely helpful both as a mother and a teacher.  As a mother, I have learned that it cannot be “my way or the high way.”  If I have this attitude, I miss out on an opportunity to learn and grow, and my child soon learns that his/her perspective is not valued.  As a teacher, I have learned that my approach isn’t necessarily the best approach to learning, and that I can stunt a student’s growth if I push my ways on him/her.  Here is what I know for sure:

·         Watch, wait and listen!  When a student is struggling at Excel Achievement Center, I will go and watch the student—not the teacher.  I look at the student’s body language and listen intently to what they say.  I try to seek out the portion or the steps of the lesson that are missing for the child, so that the teacher can better fill in the gaps. 

·         Children will tell you what they need. The great poet Maya Angelou has said, “When people tell you who they are, believe them.”  This is so true!  When a child says, “I don’t get it!”  The worst thing we can say is, “Of course you do, you just need to try harder.” or “Well, you just need to listen!”  Instead we must say, “Thanks so much for telling me.  Let me try to explain it in another way.” After all, isn’t that what teaching is all about? J

As we open up our minds and hearts to our children’s specific needs, we are not only more available to them, but we gain the opportunity to grow ourselves.