Are We Listening?

The one thing that students have taught me is that they will tell me what they need. The question is, am I listening? As parents and teachers, we desire the best for our children, and yet sometimes, even though we have the best of intentions, we cannot hear what our children are trying to tell us. Here are a few examples of what sometimes happens:

Preconceived ideas: Sometimes when our children say one thing, we hear another. For example, when our child says, “I can’t do this, this is too hard for me.” We hear, “I’m lazy and I don’t feel like trying.” Thus we say, “You can do this, you just need to try harder!” Or perhaps they say, “Slow down, you or going too fast!” and we hear, “I’m not paying attention.” So we say, “You just need to pay better attention!”

Our Past: Many times our expectations are built on what works for us or on how our teachers and/or parents taught us. For example, if we need quiet when we study and our child tells us that they need noise to focus, we discount what they are saying because we cannot relate.

Fear: Because we love our children so much and desire for them to be reach their fullest potential, we sometimes are afraid that we are not doing the right thing. The one thing that I know for sure is that if I make a decision out of fear, it will end up not being a good one. For example, when our children come home with a poor grade, we sometimes over react because we are so fearful that they will do it again or that it is our fault. A better suggestion would be to help our children problem solve a solution. For example, do they need to ask their teacher for extra help, should they in the future ask questions right away when they don’t understand something?

When our children feel heard and their feelings are validated, they feel safe. We know that safe children have strong self-esteems, confidence, and strong problem solving abilities. These are all great reasons to motivate us as parents and educators to listen to our children.